Stairs are my nemisis

In two days this week I tried six different healing modalities for my knee. Difficult to discern which input had which impact. I was full of energy at 10:30 pm when usually I’m sore and can barely move or keep my eyes open. I was totally energized. Too energized. I couldn’t focus. I want to write this blog post. I want to fold the laundry. I want to sweep the floor. I want to read the news. I want to wash my face. I want to sit down and calmly catch my breath. I want to find the ultimate seated position. The most comfortable seated position. Optimal pillow placement. The best angle for the keyboard. If I can’t get it all exactly right, I can’t focus. If the chores aren’t completed I can’t focus. If fabric is itching my wrist, I can’t focus. If my face feels oily, I can’t focus. If I might be getting an important call, I can’t focus. **I think people refer to this as ADD - I am not a fan of that label, which is a much bigger topic I plan to write about in another form at another time.

I think healing input number five out of six put me over the edge - The Bemer. I’m not going to explain what it is here. You can click on the link to learn more. I will say that I didn’t actually have a sensate feeling of anything happening while lying on the Bemer matt, also with the wrap around my knee and LED light on. The lovely woman who let me try it out gave me a long talk about how it helped her increase energy levels, combatting chronic fatigue. I don’t have that issue. I told her I have lots of energy, in fact, it’s kind of frustrating since my knee is stuck and I can’t freely move all of the energy I have to move. This rattle that is my body, has been unable to shake the full body shake that so needs to shake. I also understood that the Bemer could help with circulation, which has been an issue I’ve not been able to resolve or get much assistance with.  After about 15 minutes of walking my toes get numb, and at night, my right-hand gets numb. The knee movement from sitting to standing is stiff and painful. I can feel a sluggishness in my vascular system. Bemer targets the vascular system. 

While on the table receiving the Bemer vibes, we got to talking about Access Consciousness, and before I knew it she was reciting statements to me, and we were quickly on THAT energy healing journey. I could feel expansion in my knee as we went through some of the statements. So at that point I was getting Bemer and Access Consciousness healing at the same time. We were both getting really into it. 

When it was time to unwrap and slide off the table I noticed that I actually felt a significant shift in my body. More space to move. The energy was big. I wasn’t as sluggish in my knee. I wanted to leap around and dance like I haven’t danced in months. I was giddy with energy. I was going in a million directions at once. Was it the Bemer? Was it the Access Consciousness? Was it the accumulated effect of what preceded?

Now step back to earlier in the day. Healing modality numbers three and four. My 10 am Pilates Foot and Gait rehab appointment with tough as nails gorgeous Nancy, plus Kinesio taping. We mostly worked on the core align, which my body loves. We also did some spring work incorporating my abs and legs in motion. Nancy knows exactly how to target the attachments that need to stretch, and wake up the muscles that have been sleeping while others have been overused. I am so grateful for her strong focused direction. I believe this modality is the meat and potatoes of my non-surgical recovery. 

I often feel nauseous when we are working on my posture.  My body has been out of alignment for so long that when she directs me into balance my proprioception shifts into an alarming unknown reality. I need to be alarmed! I need to listen to this alarm going off! My body is alive NOW. It wants total health, NOW. It wants alignment, NOW. It’s going to take a lot of effort to unwind the old patterns, and learn to walk. I need to throw out/throw up all that old garbage I’ve been carrying around in my body. I’m not trying to go back to where I was. I am moving toward a significantly better state of health and ease than I have ever known. 

My full-time job is to take care of me. It’s ok for me to be focused full time on taking care of me. It’s ok to love myself in every way. I am learning what it takes for me to feel healthy and at ease, expansive, safe, held, trusted, beautiful, loved, abundant and generous.  I am trusting me to take excellent care of me. I realize how much I’d been slacking off on the job of taking care of me when I was focused on taking care of others expectations of what a job should look like. Right now, my full-time job is taking care of the nucleus of my family - me. 

Backing up to the beginning of the 24-period, starting at 11:15 am the day before, modality number one, a hands-on healing session with a self-professed expert natural healer. I realize I have some areas of vulnerability around the full story of this session that I am not comfortable writing about publicly, and has made me hesitant to write this or post this (did I post this?). That said, my body was able to relax in his care. He was completely professional. It felt great to have someone moving my body in ways that I can’t on my own. It was helpful. That’s all I’m going to say about that for now. Perhaps there will be more later.

Modality number 2, my favorite - HOT WATER! A big private outdoor hot tub with strong jets (gracias Piedmont Springs!). An hour of intensive immersion in water. My body loves to be in water! How can I have a life where I can get into healing warm water more often? What is preventing me from complete healing now? Whatever it is, I seek to destroy and uncreate it! Those last two statements are kind of Access Consciousness-y. It’s super woo-woo, and somehow it’s working.

In addition to all of the above in two days I also continued to eat a vegan diet, had acupuncture, probably could have consumed more water, got a lot sleep, spent time with a supportive friend, did a little retail therapy, did a thing or two I can’t write about here, and dreamed of being on the RhythmWave floor at Burning Man…this year…in 5 weeks….a lot….body…please carry me home safely with ease, love, fun, abundance, generosity, joy and magic…

Note: The Bemer system costs around $6,000. The sweet lady who let me try it initially offered to rent it to me for $150/week so I can try it out. At the end of our time together she and I were on the same page about self-healing, and she refused to let me take it. I love how the universe works.